Partir, c'est mourir un peu.

At our last dinner together, my host mom commented that generally around the 5 or 6 week mark, the students that stay with her tend to get a little homesick. She asked if I was feeling that way and I told her that honestly, I wasn't really feeling homesick at all. Which was true.

Now, for the first time since I've been away...I do feel a little homesick. Homesick for both Tucson and Paris. I miss my host mom and her apartment, I miss my Arizona in Paris friends who basically became like an Arizona in Paris family (a few treasure hunts from hell and early mornings together in Rennes will do that). The rest of Paris will be there when I go back, but those things won't.

Of course it's better to focus on the beauty of the fact that I got to have that experience, rather than the fact that it's over. So I'm trying to focus my energy on happy memories; on the view of the Eiffel Tower from the boat on the Seine, and the hilarious experience of seeing one of my teachers in a fairly inebriated state...the metro platform at Châtelet and Les Vacances de Monsieur Hulot...listening to my host mom whistle while she made dinner, and watching old movies dubbed in French...following Mme Ayoun's lightning-fast steps and the inevitable call, "Tout le monde est là? Qui n'est pas là? On y va...Attendez. Regardez la plaque. Qu'est-ce qu'elle dit?"...horrifying moments in elevators with Morgan, and on the flip side, his 'walking up and down the stairs' songs: "Annnnnd, we're walking walking walking, annnnnd, we're talking talking talking..."

So many things that are so fantastically wonderful, and so not as exciting to read about if you weren't there. Sigh.

I'm glad I was there.

I also for the first time am starting to look forward to Tucson. To be in my own bed, to cook in my own kitchen, to catch up with Audrey. Being away for a long enough time makes me appreciate the familiarity of my home, something I definitely was not doing before I left. I think this trip has salvaged Tucson for me; I think this trip has salvaged a lot of things for me.

At the moment I'm in Berlin, relaxing with Crina and Bax, probably boring her to death with all of my talk of Paris, but I think she understands. It's so beautiful here, with all the trees. It's calm and peaceful, and I feel a little less self-conscious about the things I do...it's also nice to be, for the first time in 6 weeks, with someone who knows me well, inside and out; with someone I've been friends with for a long time, with whom I can talk about things and I don't have to explain any back story. I missed that while I was in Paris, though I'm happy to have cultivated new friendships there as well.

Paris was the most amazing experience, even more amazing than I could have dreamed. I can't believe how lucky I was to have my host mom, and to have such an fantastic group to be with. I saw so many things, went so many places, learned so much about France and also about myself. I feel almost undeservingly lucky and blessed to have had this experience...it started out perfectly, and it ended perfectly. I couldn't have asked for more.

In three days I will see my sister, and I can't wait for that either. My trip is rapidly coming to an end, but the good stuff just keeps on coming.