Coming home, coming home.

When I woke up this morning it was
7AM in Paris
12AM in Chicago
10PM in Phoenix.

When my flight left CDG, it was
12PM in Paris
5AM in Chicago
3AM in Phoenix.

When I landed at O'Hare, it was
10PM in Paris
3PM in Chicago
1PM in Phoenix.

When my flight leaves O'Hare it will be
2AM in Paris
7PM in Chicago
5PM in Phoenix

and

when I get in to Skyharbor it will be
6AM in Paris
11PM in Chicago
9PM in Phoenix.

Basically, today is the longest day ever.

Hello, USA. Goodbye, blog.

You can't ever go back.

When I was little I used to tape episodes of Full House when they came on during my piano lessons, so I wouldn't have to miss them. THAT'S how much I love Full House.

One of the ones I had taped was late in the series, probably season 6 or 7, when the girls go to summer camp. The episode takes place when they get home from camp and they're all sad and depressed because they want to go back. Eventually, they do have to go back because Michelle brought back a rabbit that needs to be taken home (or something like that, it's not important) and they find that it's not the same fun, exciting place when it's all rainy and deserted and camp is over.

Being in Paris right now is kind of like a super-scaled down version of that. The city is still beautiful. I still love it. I'm so happy to be here.

But without my beautiful AZ in Paris group, it just feels like there's something...missing.

Sigh.

Stars and stripes forever.

I thought it would be months before I could handle another museum (out of just the museums in my Paris travel guide, I've been to 14), but today we hit the Rijksmuseum, Van Gogh museum, and the "Heineken Experience", all of which were pretty awesome. I like Amsterdam.

I can't believe how soon I'm going home...I know I've said that a million times. I'm sure it's for the best, because I'm running out of money and desperately need to get back to work...but it's going to be weird, most certainly.

Here's an interesting fact. Before this summer I never thought of myself as necessarily "patriotic", or even "proud to be an American". America has done some pretty messed up stuff and there are still a lot of things I really, really don't agree with. And the tourists can be pretty obnoxious over here. (I could go on, but I won't.)

HOWEVER. There are certainly things I have missed since I've been here, differences I've noticed, things I can't wait to get back to. Moreover, I have had numerous experiences over here where my culture has been challenged, or insulted, or made fun of by Europeans. And actually, it really offends me. I don't think America is the Greatest Country in the World...but the fact of the matter is, I still am American, I have been all my life.

I agree that we can do some stupid stuff. But who doesn't? I try my hardest not to base judgments off of stereotypes when I interact with people from other cultures, and I guess I kind of expect the same courtesy back. It's one thing to discuss or joke about the shortcomings of my country with fellow Americans, but it's certainly another to hear that coming from someone outside.

I don't mean to get self-righteous and bitchy, and this wasn't sparked by any particular event. I guess it's just something I've been thinking about. I suppose being away has shown me that actually, I am proud to be an American; I do respect my country quite a bit - especially since this last presidential election. I've never been more proud of my country.

I just don't feel the need to write a crappy country song about it or anything.

Amsterdam.

Made it in once piece. I hate the first few hours in any new place, when everything is unfamiliar and unsettling. But I know by this evening everything will be fine.

The rest of this trip is going to fly by. I'll be home in less than a week. Part of me is ready and part of me doesn't want to go...

London Calling.

I've been in London for about 2 hours. 

Being here feels like being in a weird, warped version of Paris. I think it's the big city thing, the shops, the underground. So similar, except...not.

I'm happy to be here, with family, on to the next stage of my adventure. But my heart aches for La Ville-Lumière...

"In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight."

I've been in Europe for a little over 7 weeks now.

I've done a LOT of stuff in my time here...seen a lot of sights. Ate a lot of food. Took a fair few pictures.

I feel I've been doing my best to make the most of my time here, or whatever it is you're supposed to do when you're traveling in a foreign land.

However, I'm going to be quite honest here:

Sometimes nothing beats spending the evening in a hotel room, laying in bed and watching Pretty Woman with my sister. Whether it be in Ireland, Arizona, California, or anywhere else in the universe.

Vacation, all I ever wanted.

My grades from Paris have been posted! I got an A and a B and I'm so excited!! I was kind of expecting Bs in both classes, but apparently my compte-rendus must have been worth something in cinema. Score!

I was so stressed about my flight to Dublin, mostly, I think, because of how stressful the flight from Orly to Berlin had turned out to be. But in the end, the flight was magnificently, almost magically easy. No problems or hassles whatsoever.

I met up with my sister at the airport and we went on a quest to find someplace to stay. We ended up in a super cute, remarkably nice hotel that costs about the same as some of the hostels we were looking at. Our room has a trouser press and the an amazing shower - clearly two things of the utmost importance when it comes to a hotel in Dublin. It also has internet, which I really appreciate.

Last night we went and found dinner in town and then walked around for a bit and stopped for dessert and coffee. I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but I really love this European thing of waffles for dessert instead of breakfast. Paris of course is full of stands selling crêpes and gaufres. Anyway, in Dublin, we ended up in this place called Lemon, with the giant-est menu of crêpes and waffles I've ever seen.

And I didn't even get a crêpe with Nutella...whaaaaat??

Later we came back and watched TV, and then went to the tiniest pub ever (literally, the sign outside says, "Possibly the smallest pub in the world") to have a Guinness. Because, you know, that's what you do on your first night in Dublin.

Incidentally, it turns out that I like Guinness. This was not always the case. However, the last time I had one I was probably about 17, so that could have something to do with it. At any rate...it was delicious. And this afternoon I believe we're going to go tour the Storehouse, which should be fun, and tomorrow visiting the Jameson distillery. This is what seems to be happening: The first 7 weeks of my trip are spent studying and eating pastries, the last 2 are spent relaxing and drinking. I'm pretty okay with that.

As far as Dublin itself, I love it. It's so cute and quaint and the people are so friendly. And they speak English! I didn't realize how weird it would be to come back to a place where people speak my native tongue, albeit with an accent. I don't have to think twice about what to say when I bump into someone, and I don't have to feel like an idiot when I don't think and blurt out, "excuse me!" Ordering food is simple. Asking for directions is simple.

It almost seems too easy.

Anyway, what it all comes down to is that I am fully at the point where I feel like I'm on vacation, and I love it.

Things I have learned about myself this summer (an incomplete list)

• Deep down, I truly appreciate my life in Tucson. I just need occasional reminders.
• Spending 6 weeks with a group of people who I have not known for long, and who have no expectations or ideas about who I am and what I stand for, has been really good for helping me understand who I am and what I stand for.
• I am capable of recharging a metro pass, buying hair products, ordering lunch, and watching Gone With the Wind...in French.
  
• I like beer, tomatoes, mustard, and a handful of other food items that I thought I hated. Not necessarily all at the same time, though.
  
• I'm in control of my life, what I do, where it goes, and what's important to me.
• Understanding the differences between cultures is hugely important, whether it concerns my relationship with someone I just met, or my relationship with someone I've known my whole life.
  
• I can live under the constant scrutiny and criticism of a kind-hearted and well-meaning old woman for six weeks, and still love myself at the end of it.
• Sometimes things really do turn out exactly how I wanted them to, or even better.
• I really, really love croissants aux amandes.
• It's okay to trust people.
  
• It's most productive to work hard towards the things I want to be able to do, rather than write myself off as a failure. This can be applied in so many different cases.
• The Four Agreements are important to remember even in France.
• My faith is so, so strong.
• My hair behaves best when I condition it regularly.
• I want to learn to speak both French and German better. And I WILL.
  
• I have always taken clothes dryers and shower curtains for granted.
  
• I really, really love Monet.
• It's okay to admit, "Okay, you're right, you did tell me so."
• Running away from things still doesn't work - but running off for awhile to get a new perspective, and the strength to try again, does.
  

This is what true friendship is:

[Via Facebook Chat]

Maya: I am homesick.
Ryan: You're almost done though.
Maya: I know. And I'm meeting my sister in Dublin tomorrow, and I'm excited for that. But for some reason I just feel really sad right now.
Ryan: Hmmm is it rainy?
Maya: OMG how did you know?!
Ryan: Yeah...that's why.
Maya: ...you're smart. I didn't even think of that.

New forever, world without an end.

I'm loving that I have this transition period between studying in Paris and traveling around with my sister and dad, to relax, and catch up with friends and family via Skype, and battle my homesickness, and ponder the last 6 weeks.

I'm sitting on a huge couch, blogging by the light of a salt lamp, listening to the soothing sound of Crina's yoga in the background, breathing in the fresh night air...I got to talk to some of my favorite people today, who I haven't talked to in so long. Even though today was kind of busy, and stressful at times, I'm happy to be right here, right now. I'm happy that I could come to such a lovely place, to regroup with a lovely friend.

Tomorrow is my last day in Germany and I can't believe how fast the last few days have gone by. Every time I come here, it's not enough. But it's certainly better than not at all.

I'm looking forward to meeting up with Roya, because at that point I won't have to travel alone anymore. I love traveling, and for the most part it doesn't really matter whether I'm with someone or not. But at this point...I don't know if it's because I've been away from home for so long or what, but I will be glad not to have to navigate through foreign airports and figure things out all by myself. Sometimes it's so nice just to have someone next to you, even if they don't know what to do either.

All in all, I think I planned my trip out well. I appreciated arriving here with my mom and A.B., to adjust to France a little bit and not feel all alone and disoriented in a strange place. I enjoyed my 6 weeks of school, however busy they were, and I'm glad I planned this time in Germany afterwards, to take a break with a friend. And I'm so glad that I get to continue on to meet up with family and go out the way I came in, comfortably, easily.

There are things weighing on my mind, as there always are, but I feel so content and grounded right now despite them.

Life is pretty gorgeous, when you think about it.

Tout le monde.

Everyone! Left to right (and top to bottom): Jerris, Morgan, Ben Harper, Valentina, Tierney, Hanna, Ava, Haley, Devonne, Caroline, Mme Ayoun, Anne, Little Ben, Shelby, Other Caroline, Me, Alex, Laura, Liza

Picture!

This isn't our whole group, but I thought this was a good picture. From left to right: Anne, Jerris, Me, Liza, Devonne, Caroline, Shelby, Ben

Partir, c'est mourir un peu.

At our last dinner together, my host mom commented that generally around the 5 or 6 week mark, the students that stay with her tend to get a little homesick. She asked if I was feeling that way and I told her that honestly, I wasn't really feeling homesick at all. Which was true.

Now, for the first time since I've been away...I do feel a little homesick. Homesick for both Tucson and Paris. I miss my host mom and her apartment, I miss my Arizona in Paris friends who basically became like an Arizona in Paris family (a few treasure hunts from hell and early mornings together in Rennes will do that). The rest of Paris will be there when I go back, but those things won't.

Of course it's better to focus on the beauty of the fact that I got to have that experience, rather than the fact that it's over. So I'm trying to focus my energy on happy memories; on the view of the Eiffel Tower from the boat on the Seine, and the hilarious experience of seeing one of my teachers in a fairly inebriated state...the metro platform at Châtelet and Les Vacances de Monsieur Hulot...listening to my host mom whistle while she made dinner, and watching old movies dubbed in French...following Mme Ayoun's lightning-fast steps and the inevitable call, "Tout le monde est là? Qui n'est pas là? On y va...Attendez. Regardez la plaque. Qu'est-ce qu'elle dit?"...horrifying moments in elevators with Morgan, and on the flip side, his 'walking up and down the stairs' songs: "Annnnnd, we're walking walking walking, annnnnd, we're talking talking talking..."

So many things that are so fantastically wonderful, and so not as exciting to read about if you weren't there. Sigh.

I'm glad I was there.

I also for the first time am starting to look forward to Tucson. To be in my own bed, to cook in my own kitchen, to catch up with Audrey. Being away for a long enough time makes me appreciate the familiarity of my home, something I definitely was not doing before I left. I think this trip has salvaged Tucson for me; I think this trip has salvaged a lot of things for me.

At the moment I'm in Berlin, relaxing with Crina and Bax, probably boring her to death with all of my talk of Paris, but I think she understands. It's so beautiful here, with all the trees. It's calm and peaceful, and I feel a little less self-conscious about the things I do...it's also nice to be, for the first time in 6 weeks, with someone who knows me well, inside and out; with someone I've been friends with for a long time, with whom I can talk about things and I don't have to explain any back story. I missed that while I was in Paris, though I'm happy to have cultivated new friendships there as well.

Paris was the most amazing experience, even more amazing than I could have dreamed. I can't believe how lucky I was to have my host mom, and to have such an fantastic group to be with. I saw so many things, went so many places, learned so much about France and also about myself. I feel almost undeservingly lucky and blessed to have had this experience...it started out perfectly, and it ended perfectly. I couldn't have asked for more.

In three days I will see my sister, and I can't wait for that either. My trip is rapidly coming to an end, but the good stuff just keeps on coming.

Adieu.

What to say, what to say. My time in Paris has come to an end. By this time tomorrow, I will be in Berlin...which I'm grateful for, because if I was leaving Paris to go back to Tucson I think I would be pretty sad. At least I'm going somewhere awesome to be with someone awesome!

The last few days have been a whirlwind. I've started writing this blog entry so many times but I just don't even know what to say, what would be interesting. I feel like I've gotten so close to our wonderful group that half of what I want to write about wouldn't be interesting/exciting/funny to anyone except for us. Which is not helpful when it comes to blogging.

I'm about to have my last dinner with my host mom, who I haven't really seen in the past 3 days because I've been out doing things all day and then out until 4am every night. It's amazing how drastically different these last days have been, compared to the first.

I've never loved a place like I love this place. I love everything about it, I love the million and one sights I saw and did fiches ludiques about, I love the nutella crêpes that I could eat for every meal and not get sick of, I love the frites and the croissants aux amandes and all the other foods that aren't the same anywhere else, I love the metro, I love the unpredictable weather, I love the crazy drivers, I love the Seine. I love it all. I'm positive I love it more because I have to leave. But I guess that's just how it works.

I could write about what I did over the last few days, but it wouldn't be interesting, it wouldn't be beautiful the way it's was when it was happening. Suffice to say, I had a kickass last few days and I couldn't be happier...I mean that in all seriousness.

La bonne nouvelle...

I'm done with schoooooooooooool!




The bad news, of course, being that I only have 3 days left in Paris. :(

Let it be.

I definitely forgot to update about Friday night, which is unacceptable since that was one of the best nights I've had since I've been here.

After the Musée de Cluny and arènes de Lutèce, I went home and showered and made myself human again and then met Mme Ayoun and Pierre and Ben and Alex to go see "Les Vacances de Monsieur Hulot," a film by Tati, whose exhibit we saw at the Cinémathèque Française last week. The movie was fantastic, and absolutely hilarious. It's an old one and I recommend it.

Afterwards we raced to Montmartre to meet up with the group for fondue. (Note to everyone reading this: If you ever are in Paris, and you take the métro to Abesses, DO NOT EXIT BY TAKING THE STAIRS. There are about 85 million of them. Those people crowding around the elevator? They're there for a reason.)

Anyway. We got to Montmartre and nearly the whole group had dinner together at this tiny fondue restaurant called Le Refuge des Fondues, which...has a lot of character. It's so small that everyone sitting long the wall had to literally climb over the table to get to their seats. There was no ordering, just a cocktail, some light appetizers, lots of fondue (cheese and meat), and wine...in baby bottles. Never in my life did I think I would ever drink wine out of a baby bottle. But now I can say that I have! It was really, really fun. And at the end, Mme Ayoun ended up paying for all of us, which was...beyond gracious, and a wonderful surprise.

Afterwards, probably as a result of a baby bottle full of wine (which definitely holds more than one glass), I agreed to go to a karaoke bar with my classmates. The DJ was awful and the music videos were terrible but it was so very much fun. I didn't sing anything alone, but everyone just ended up singing together the whole time anyway. Lots of Michael Jackson, of course. We pretty much had the upstairs to ourselves.

There was a moment when someone requsted "Let it Be", by the Beatles, and it got all quiet and everyone started singing together and it reminded me of my 10th grade Speech and Debate trip to Berkeley when we were driving in the van at night and the same thing happened - that song came on and everyone just shut up about whatever they were talking about and started singing, all together. Very, very cool.

Eventually it got late, and I took a cab home. I'm glad I went out at least one night in Paris. The circumstances were perfect. I had a wonderful time. And now no one can bug me about it ever again!! Hah.

Now I'm really done blogging for the night. Mainly because my internet is down to one bar and I suspect it won't hold out much longer.

Too many random things for one title.

I love Paris. I love my program. I love the people in my program, the teachers, my host mom, everything.

However, we've reached that point where most of the roommates are ready to kill each other, finals are lurking, and we find ourselves wondering, after literally crossing the entirety of Reims twice in an afternoon (in addition to climbing a tower and doing the rest of our activities), is this really necessary?

It's not a personal thing. I love that I'm getting the opportunity to do all of this and I'm grateful that my teachers gave up their whole summer to lead a pack of 18 rowdy, often hungover, college students across Paris. And I'll bet starting in about a month or so, I'll really appreciate it. But right now all I can think is that once this program ends I never want to set foot in another museum ever again, and the worksheets are getting a little out of hand.

On the bright side, we got to go champagne tasting yesterday. I would have liked to bring a bottle home, but carrying it around for the next 3 1/2 weeks seemed like a slightly terrible idea. I did buy a bottle for my host mom who, in case you were wondering, does not drink much wine but is a big fan of both champagne and whiskey. Which I respect.

Yesterday was also, of course, the 4th of July. Let's just be real about it...in France, July 4th is about as important and celebrated as Bastille Day in America, which seems about right. So the only celebrating I really did was to order a cheeseburger, fries, and Coca-Light (French for Diet Coke) for dinner...and I don't know if it was because of the holiday, or because I hadn't had a cheeseburger for at least a month and a half, or because I had just walked 80 thousand miles in the sun, but it was THE MOST DELICIOUS CHEESEBURGER I HAVE EVER EATEN. From a pizzeria in Reims, France. Go figure.

Anyway, originally there was a plan to continue the celebration at this American bar that my group has apparently discovered, which I have not yet been to...but every single one of us just went home and passed out after the train ride. It was a long day.

Today was a fantastic day. I got up and took the métro to Tuileries and then went to a salon de thé called Angelina (I think) near the Louvre. They have a famous hot chocolate, which I wanted to try, but I didn't feel like sitting down and getting a table by myself. So I got just a basic hot cocoa to go, and a pastry, and then walked around. Originally I was headed to the Seine, but I happened to run into Ben and Morgan from my program, which was kind of random and crazy given that we're in, you know, Paris. I hung out with them for a bit until they went to the Comédie Francaise, and then I stayed outside the theater for awhile listening to a little orchestra, which reminded me of my own orchestra days and made me so nostalgic that I bought their CD.

Then I continued walking towards the river. I ended up strolling around Île de la Cité for awhile, then made my way to Île Saint-Louis for some delicious gelato at Amorino (pistachio and vanilla), and on the way I went to L'Occitane where I splurged for some high end shampoo and conditioner because my hair is suffering big time with the humidity+laziness+lack of conditioner up until now. Whew.

After that I came home and took a nap, and then met up with Valentina and Alex and Anne to go to the Musée d'Erotisme (oh yes, that's right, the Sex Museum). I ended up pretty much going through alone because I had limited time until I had to be home for dinner. But it was really cool and I'm glad that I went. There were 7 floors and each one is really different from the next. If you're ever in Paris, I recommend it. It's different than any museum I've ever been to.

I came home to rabbit for dinner. I can tell when my host mom makes something she thinks I'll be wary of, because she doesn't mention what it is until I'm done eating it. She did the same thing when we had chicken livers. But I picked up on her antics and totally knew it must be rabbit the whole time. It was really good!

Today was an awesome French language day for me. Which is exciting since I didn't even have school today. But I did a ton of money transactions (recharging my métro pass, buying hair stuff, museums, ice cream, etc.) and not once did the clerk switch to English. And at dinner my host mom and I had a pretty involved conversation about knitting and rabbits and hunting and veganism and I held my own pretty damn well if I do say so myself. Which is good because lately I've been so exhausted by dinner time that she literally laughed at me one time and said, "You don't speak French anymore!" Hah.

Now it's almost bedtime...my feet will be glad for the rest. Tomorrow begins my Last Week in Paris.

I've done so much and at the same time...there's just so much I haven't done yet!

Crunch time.

Yesterday on my way to school, walking with Pierre, the kind-hearted graduate assistant who is part of my program, whose French I can barely ever understand due to the heavy Quebec accent, I learned a new phrase: compte à rebours. Countdown.

(This is where I would break out Europe's "Final Countdown" on my iPod, if this were real life and not the Internetz.)

I have 9 days left in Paris. In addition to the sudden realization that this means I have *gasp* 2 FINAL EXAMS next week, it also means I only have 9 days left of this beautiful city and the Seine and all the places I haven't gone yet, and the soldes I haven't taken advantage of enough yet, and of course ALL OF THE PASTRIES AND CRÊPES THAT I AM CLEARLY NOT GETTING ENOUGH OF. (This might be a slight exaggeration; I am eating my fair share of French deliciousness. But when your time together is finite...there's really no shame.)

I've noticed that at the beginning of the program I thought I would keel over from all the walking and excursions that seemed neverending. Towards the middle it got a little easier and I remember thinking, "Well hey, this isn't too bad!" Now, however, I'm convinced that we got a break in the middle for good behavior and it's back to the grind, because my feet HURT. It's a good kind of hurt. The soreness I feel upon waking is the good kind of sore, the "I walked up a kajillion steps AND meandered through 3 museums AND changed metro stations 8 times yesterday" kind of sore. It also means that when I get home in the evening I only want to shower, eat dinner, and go to sleep.

Hence, the speed version of the last few days:

Tuesday - Montmartre. In the heat. Do we walk up a gazillion steps to Sacré Coeur with the sun beating down on us? Or do we jam ourselves into the funiculaire with 87 sweaty parisians in an airless chamber for 5 minutes (which feel like an hour)? We cram in the funiculaire on the way up and nearly die, then take the stairs on the way down and nearly die again. Like everything in Paris, it's more than worth it at the end, so of course my complaining is over.

Wednesday - Musée Marmottan-Monet. Super cool photography exhibit. Movie of Paris from above, with fun music. Lots of Monet. I love Monet, and I thank Paris for that.

Thursday - Musée Rodin. Another very cool museum. Was going to see a movie after, but that didn't pan out, so I did some clothes shopping instead. And was actually somewhat successful. Score!

And now it's Friday. The first Friday in weeks that I actually got to sleep in! Going to a cookbook-store in about half an hour, then Musée de Cluny and the arènes de Lutèce. And then fondue for dinner tonight, if I recall correctly, as a group outing, because our group is so wonderful that we do stuff together even when it isn't required or planned by school....that's true friendship.

I know that wasn't a very exciting or insightful view of what I've been doing. But it's better than nothing, right?

Anyway, it's time for my morning croissant aux amandes.

A few short words.

Paris is really, really hot.
Air conditioning is not big here.
Just thought I'd throw that out there.


(I love it here anyway!)